So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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