if you like me you must not know who I am
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
