i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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