My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
