I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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