All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
