help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
