the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
