He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
