Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
