some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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