We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
