I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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