i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
