i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My dick has a subreddit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
