i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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