Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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