tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
