you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
