Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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