This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
