he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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