no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
