The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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