I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
