Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
