Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
