a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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