I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
