maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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