Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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