It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
