It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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