well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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