My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
