chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
