i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
BRING THE BAGELS
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
