It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
