I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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