so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
