So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
