Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
