matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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