Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
