You're my little dorito
You just made me feel so damn special
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
