I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
