Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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