And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
