You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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