please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
