I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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