I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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