after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
try to milk me bitch
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