This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
