she was so not down for the gang bang
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
